Looking for what it means to be alive,

is a search that must start early, right?

On the search in this world of blacks and whys,

shining light, we use these flashless lights.

 

*expressions like you can’t find the fitting word*

Well,

not really light but these things that light our world up

make colors bloom like neon lights.

*relief, you found the word*

Glowsticks! exactly, right…

they’re fun in the black and somewhat bright,

till you realize you need to use them to search for that answer about life.

 

On the ground barely seeing,

you could only find

from the way you see people live their lives,

what they do,

how they’re getting by,

You conclude:

It’s happiness

*with a joyous smile*

That we should all be on a quest to find

what makes us glad and merry,

feeling happy inside.

 

In those little things that the glowstick is able to shine its light

along with the multitude of people who carry the same things to find

keep searching your life to light it up.

 

*leave the stage and act like it’s over*

*whisper audibly*

NO

*then come back*

 

Something is still missing inside,

see,

I have all the happiness and all those merry feelings inside,

but it doesn’t scrape the surface of the kind of answer I’m looking for,

So, I dropped it

& grew to love what I found to be around me,

Darkness,

But still,

I sought that little light

So I could find this answer,

I’m dying to know

 

So I picked up a telescope & gazed at the stars

The glitter that never falls off the surface of the sky,

(Or so I thought)

& the one who smiles, who is the smallest among them,

But looks big to me

shone a little light on some faces including mine,

Knocked off my socks & out of my mind.

Shocker that I never got cold feet

When I knew this was of the nature of darkness

Blacks and whys

So I concluded:

 

That life means to know yourself

& follow what you discover you are for yourself

And stand by it

Follow your heart

Shun anyone who stands in the way & be proud

 

*then walk off the stage frowning*

*stop*

*then shake your head & come back*

 

You knew I’d be back right,

Because

although it seems that the answer was received,

Can’t shake the gut that tells me that I’m being deceived.

By the world and how I feel.

Surely

I’m not the only?

Elon Musk,

The richest rich can be,

With everything he wants at the flex of an apple,

Asks the same question.

 

How dare I be satisfied?

When I know I’m missing something deep inside?

Or how can I be, how will I be,

No longer asking how I could be,

But deep down,

Seeing from the way I still breathe,

You know for sure

I’m still searching.

 

Although I see faces,

Something I was born having.

And some of what they say is true about me.

I wonder,

Is that what I’m really meant to be?

Self-centered, self-seeking, evil.

Then cover it up with the good things I do so I won’t have to suffer the screams of my conscience to be free from me.

Although I try, she keeps …

Her voice

It’s not silent,

But you and I can’t hear

So it’s not a sound

It’s screaming, but it’s not my mind

It’s in anguish

But it’s not my heart,

Have you heard it?

That same concerning person

is the one who keeps asking all the time,

“WHAT IS MISSING?”

 

It’s like at the dinner table,

Everything is set,

Everyone there,

But someone missing.

Who’s name, you don’t know.

The most important member at the table.

Although I’m present,

It seems that maybe it’s me.

 

 

Or the best version of myself!

But I’ve been there,

Or where the world things that to be:

Gorgeous, adored, beloved, on it, that thang 💅👁👄👁

You know,

It all seems good.

But that voice knows that,

That’s not me

and it never lies.

Many times I seek ways to deny

But I can’t bare the pain to run and hide

Who am I?

Why is life?

Blacks and whys?

 

*open a window or switch on the light*

 

Light!

Wow!

I remembered the only other that never lies,

Indeed, I’ve always been afraid to be exposed.

All along the best light was there,

I just wanted to create my own way to be alright.

That light always called my name,

But in my pride, I looked away.

Because it was the kind of light that would reveal all that I intend to hide

 

Sick of all my efforts to try and find the answers and invent them for me.

 

Have you ever heard the phrases:

Make your own truth & follow your heart.

 

Anything you’d have to make up is a lie.

 

More good feelings were not what I was missing in life.

I’ve known what I thought to be everything about me and all those who surrounded me,

But man that’s foolish.

Who looks into the mirror for assurance under the light of the distant stars

And believes all they see is all there is to know?

Wow!

Light!

I was missing Jesus.